The Stack

For years The Stack was inside a desk drawer in my cubicle. It followed me from cube to cube. Consultant, programmer, developer, analyst, and then as a DBA, The Stack was there.

I first met The Stack at the end of my years in Pullman, WA. I was finishing my MS in Mathematics and had some choices to make. Well, two choices, really. I could get a job or stay in school and work towards my Ph.D. My grandfather smiled when he thought of calling me “Doc LaRock”. I smiled when he smiled.

So, the Ph.D. was still a possibility for me. But the Ph.D. meant little money while still in school. In fact, it meant student loans. At that point I had an advanced degree with no loans, so the idea of not working and borrowing money for food and shelter was not my favorite.

I like to eat. And to keep the wind off me. Money is helpful for both. So I decided to take a two-pronged approach. I would look for a job and I would apply to schools to work on my Ph.D. I would take the best opportunity presented.

At the time Monster.com was just starting to ramp up. This allowed for me to apply for jobs online, a necessity because if Pullman isn’t at the Ends of the Earth, you can see them from there. My remote location meant I was not going to have many face-to-face interviews. I used Monster to connect with companies online and I wrote to schools that might be looking for a math teacher and basketball coach. I’ve no idea how many places I contacted about jobs that Spring, but I know how many job offers I got.

None.

The rejection letters started coming. Well, they didn’t reject me outright. I got the “we will keep your resume on file should anything open up” responses. Polite, but not productive. I kept the letters around, with the idea that I would follow-up with them at some point. As the letters and cards continued they took on more meaning, more weight. They served as a reminder that education itself is never enough. Education plus motivation is the combination for success. And the letters were now motivating me.

I wanted to keep the letters and cards so that one day, years in the future, I could follow-up with each company and school. I don’t know if I wanted to write to remind them they passed on hiring me, or to thank them for passing on hiring me. Probably the former. But these days, it’s the latter.

That’s how The Stack started.

The Stack left Pullman with me. It moved from city to city, job to job, cubical to cubical. It was a reminder to me that I wasn’t always a success. The Stack was always there, pushing me to work harder. I never felt that I was a success when I looked at The Stack. It made me grateful for the opportunities I was given, and I was going to do my work to the best of my abilities.

I don’t know when The Stack came to stay in our home. Maybe seven years ago when I started working for SolarWinds. Maybe before that. But The Stack has been in a box in a closet in my basement for years.

Until a few weeks ago.

I found The Stack in a box of old documents. It is hard to describe what feelings I had seeing The Stack again. I remember I had to sit down, and I just stared at The Stack. I wondered if it had come back to me for a reason. Why now? What was The Stack trying to tell me?

I gradually started to look at the return addresses, remembering the school names. I smiled at the company names. There were the letters from the NSA (they at least gave me an interview). I started to count. I spread them out on a table.

68. 68 letters and postcards.

I was rejected by 64 schools, companies, and government agencies. 4 of them had sent two letters (or cards); one to say they received my info, another communication to say I was being placed on file. I wish more companies were as polite as those four.

But still: 64.

That’s a lot of rejection, but I never let The Stack stop me from trying.

Today I think The Stack is a gift. It allows me to take the failures from that point in my life and put them into a tangible form. This is better than carrying a weight internally. I traded a mental weight for a physical one. Well, OK, maybe I ended up with both.

But now, I can get rid of The Stack forever.

With fire, of course.

I’m going to burn The Stack. But not before I do one more thing.

I want to take a moment to say thank you to the 64 companies that didn’t want me. I have a dream job now, with the corner office I’ve always wanted. My work allows me to travel, deliver presentations, play with new and exciting technology, and research industry trends. In many ways, my role is similar to that of a professor. It’s funny that professor is what I would (likely) be had I earned my Ph.D. So, I’m right where I was meant to be. And The Stack is no longer a weight of rejection.

The Stack is a map. It reminds me that my path to walk the Earth was not meant to cross those 64 companies.

I’m grateful for the path I have walked. Each step has allowed me to gain experiences that have made me into the data professional I am today. This year I will deliver presentations at VMworld, MS Ignite, and PASS Summit.

That’s not a bad Triple Crown for a horse that no one thought could race.