Here we are, at the end of 2011, and I suddenly realized I hadn’t done one of those obligatory “crap I did last year” posts like everyone else likes to do. So I decided to write about all the things that didn’t happen to me with the thought that in a year from now I can write “wasn’t consumed by the Mayan fires”. Here’s hoping, right?
Anyway, as we all look forward to 2012, here are my reflections on 2011. You’re welcome.
1. I didn’t die in a weather-related incident
My little corner of the world saw more than it’s share of extreme weather. In the span of ten months my children witnessed two blizzards that dumped over 18 inches of snow at once (causing one of our schools to have a partially collapsed roof and forcing students to finish the year in a neighboring town), a tornado (where we lost power for over two days as major transmissions lines were severed and if you’ve never seen a tornado travel down a river you should watch this), an earthquake (due to our founding fathers rolling over in their graves, apparently), a hurricane (where the eye came right over us), and a freak early snowstorm where we lost power for five days and it also canceled Halloween (no make up date has been announced yet).
That’s a LOT of extreme weather in a short amount of time. Fortunately for us we are all safe and warm right now, our house is relatively undamaged, and life continues as normal. I can’t say the same for the people that live within a few miles of here. And I won’t forget finding a piece of yellow tinted insulation in my yard this summer while the sky was colored orange-green and thinking “hey, ours is colored pink…I wonder where this came from?”
2. I was not awarded an Oracle MVP
I don’t even know if Oracle has this, the closest thing I know of is the Java Champions and while I do think I drink a good amount of coffee I can’t imagine how much it must take to become a Champion.
3. I was not present for the final launch of the Space Shuttle
No, I was not at the STS-135 launch. But I had a good reason why…because I had already seen STS-134, thanks to Stephanie Schierholz (@schierholz) and NASA. You may recall I was invited to the NASA Tweetup for STS-133 back in 2010. That launch was delayed by about 100 days, and I never made it to the actual launch. The week of STS-134 going up I was told about a tweet from Steph that those of us that missed STS-133 were to contact her immediately. Turns out they had some room for us in the twent (that’s short for ‘Tweetup Tent’) if I could get down to Kennedy Space Center in, oh…two days. I cashed in some miles, got my but down there…and the launch was scrubbed.
But just 17 days later I was back down there to watch Endeavour take her final trip into space. Also, I was able to have a most unique photo opportunity thanks to my friend Michael Steineke, who happened to be down there doing some actual photo work for NASA that day.
4. I did not quit my bacon addiction
Of course not, if anything my powers grew stronger these past 12 months. The number of bacon-themed items people give me is astounding. For Christmas this year I was given a string of bacon lights! I love all of the items I get…bacon peanut brittle…bacon t-shirts…bacon soap…bacon toothpicks…bacon sea salt…bacon lube…and even just a package of bacon delivered on Christmas morning. It’s all good.
5. I didn’t quit Twitter, or Facebook, when G+ arrived
And neither did anyone else. All G+ did was give us yet another place to spread some social networking love. I think I’ve hit my limit of social networks to maintain, I believe I have enough. I use each for a unique purpose and can’t imagine I need any more. I would like the ability to merge my G+ accounts though, here’s hoping Google can find a way to get that done in 2012 for me.
6. I did not travel to Brazil
Despite being personally invited to attend SQL Saturday #100 in Sao Paulo, I did not attend. Here’s hoping I do make it to Brazil one of these days. Good weather, good food, good drinks, and that girl from Ipanema.
7. I was not asked to star in my own reality show
Which seems odd because apparently everyone in America gets to be on their own show, otherwise we wouldn’t have ‘Jersey Shore’, or the Kardashians, or Nancy Grace. Even my sister-in-law (Heather M.) was on a show this year.
8. Still waiting on those funds from Nigeria
I have no idea what the holdup is. I gave my account numbers, just as Mr. Yan asked. I haven’t heard back from him, but I have heard from many others who have made similar requests for my bank information. Which seems completely normal because I am in the habit of just giving those numbers to anyone who needs them. Like when I get a coffee at Starbucks. I could hand them my card, but yelling out bank routing numbers is more fun. Sometimes they just give me that coffee for free.
9. I did not get Hootsuite to pay me $5.99 a month
I can’t stand Hootsuite. To be specific, I can’t stand being treated poorly. Then again, it’s not as if I was a customer of theirs anyway, so I guess it’s OK for them to pretend I don’t have half a brain. I’m leaving that post as “featured” as a reminder to everyone how to NOT do customer service through the use of social media. As if we needed any more evidence of that, right?
10. Did not win the chance to be launched into orbit
Has anyone else noticed that there are no details about coming back to Earth? I only ever see talk about the launch, not the recovery. Anyway, I didn’t win the contest which makes me part of the 99%, I believe.
11. Was not escorted from a plane for playing Words With Friends after the door was closed
Considering I flew over 75,000 miles last year, I’m a little surprised I didn’t have some kind of incident with regards to the TSA or FAA regulations. I have no idea how many miles Alec Baldwin flies, but he sure loves to play Scrabble. As for the TSA, I managed to get through the year with only a handful of “Freedom Pats” being administered, and an equal number of exposures to the radiation from the backscatter machine that does next to nothing to enhance security. But hey, don’t take my word for it, just listen to one of the voices behind the creation of the TSA, John Mica. I was one of the 31,956 people that signed the petition to abolish the TSA, and you can read the response I was given. Hey, at least they wrote back, right?
The Oracle equivalent of MVP is the ACE program (which has an upper echelon of Ace Director). On the unofficial front, if someone is a member of the Oak Table then they are to be held in very high esteem.
Thanks Gary, I found the ACE reference after the post went live. I vaguely recall hearing ACE previously, but never heard of the Oak Table until your comment. I wonder if that is one of those “I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you” things you aren’t supposed to mention?
Man, I’m stilling waiting my my $5.2m from Nigeria too! But just read this story on The Awl and suddenly feeling a little leary:
http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/my-three-month-facebook-dialogue-with-a-scammer-from-malaysia-pretending-to-be-a-beautiful-woman
At least, you are here to tell the story!!!