Hi there. How are you doing? I hope things are going well for you. Thanks for the pizza the other day, along with the t-shirts and free pens. I know we are going through a rough patch, and you are making an effort by giving us things and buying some food in an effort to say “I’m sorry”. We had a good time at lunch, especially when Jimmy grabbed a slice, took three bites, and noticed the pens. Once he saw your logo he made good on his promise. You remember, right? How he said that he would rather poke his eye out with a stick than ever do business with you again?
So, we had some almost-warm pizza, handed out some musty t-shirts, and are now down a man. I think Jimmy will be okay because he still has the other eye and I think they can find a donor. But it just seems to me that this is a sign, a sign that you somehow manage to leave destruction in your wake wherever you go. Did you honestly think that these gifts were somehow going to win us back?
Look, it’s not you, it’s me. I just think I should see other vendors right now. Last night, while you slept in the server room, I uninstalled your software. It’s waiting for you in the lobby, along with the licenses you gave us for our anniversary. We are going to use the t-shirts as rags and the paramedics removed the pens as a precaution already. There is nothing left of yours here. Please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is, just remove me from your mailing list and refrain from calling.
I will try to only remember the good times, and not all the physical, mental, and emotional distress you have caused since the day we met.
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