Things That Didn’t Happen To Me In 2012

If you are reading this, then the world didn’t end.

Which means that you just can’t trust the Maya. I’m not sure you can trust any culture that isn’t known to have a good bottle of wine.

It also means that I survived yet another apocalypse. This marks at least ten (10) apocalypses (or is it apocalai?) that I have now managed to outlast. Bring on those Zombies!

So that got me thinking: what else didn’t happen to me this year?

Turns out there’s a lot of things that either I didn’t do or have done to me over the past twelve months.

Didn’t Watch “Hunger Games”

This is true despite my having a daughter that is into stories such as Hunger Games, Twilight, and boy bands similar to One Direction. I don’t know how I have managed to avoid seeing such things for so long but I suppose my day is coming. Whenever that day arrives at my house I hope it is nice enough to bring a bottle of wine and a pound of bacon. I’ll need both.

Didn’t Make The “Father of the Year” Image Search In The Google

Well not on page one as far as I can tell. However I did start a “Fathers in Technology” community over in Google+. It is a group I have been thinking about doing for a while now. When Google+ started rolling out their Community feature late in the year I decided now was as good a time as any to get something created and see what happens.

The Community is open to anyone to join. My intent is to open some communication channels that tend to be closed more often than not. I think it is important for everyone to understand the pressures (internal and external) that get placed on all of us in the technology field. I believe that fathers often get the short shaft on expressing feelings about family and I hope to change that over time.

Didn’t Get Caught In An Exploding Strip Club

Thanks to one utility worker nobody else was caught in the explosion either. It certainly could have been much worse had that one person not acted so quickly. I think many folks in the technology field could learn a lot from how that person handled events as they unfolded. The short version is this: be prepared.

Didn’t Hit 100k On Delta

But I got darned close (just over 95k miles this year) thanks to my flying to places like Amsterdam where I presented at TechEd. I spoke at seven SQL Saturday’s last year, two TechEd events, and one PASS Summit. Combine all those events with some travel for Confio Software and it adds up quickly.

Didn’t Hit The Lottery

This marks the 24th straight year in which I have been denied such good fortune. Despite numerous emails from Mr. Yan asking for help with his brother’s legal issues in Nigeria and promises of gifts from Lorray Chang from China I remain firmly as part of the 99%. I expect this streak to continue. Speaking of streaks…

Didn’t Fail To Earn My SQL Server 2008 MCM For The Fifth Straight Year

Because I earned it. I’d like to take yet another opportunity to apologize to all current MCM’s as they are now a member of a club that would allow someone like me to become a member. Ever show up at a party uninvited and nobody knows how to get you to leave but they are polite to you anyway? Yeah, that describes my first month as an MCM. I’ll write more on this later.

Didn’t Change Jobs

Despite some job descriptions sent my way that were…um…interesting. I probably get a dozen or so unsolicited job offers each week. I’d say that about half of them are sent my way to know if I might know someone that may be available and I do my best to match the jobs with the people I know that are currently available and looking for work.

I do my best to offer feedback on the job descriptions when asked. I’ve had more than a handful of recruiters and colleagues ask me if they can use my better job description as a basis for current openings and I am happy that I can help offer suggestions for improvement.

Didn’t Lose To Karen In The Database Design Throwdown

Not. Even. Once.

I was a perfect 5-0 against Karen López (blog | @datachick) in 2012. I expect to continue that streak in 2013 except she hasn’t officially agreed to debate me yet.

Didn’t Lose My Job To The Cloud

I know that my future is cloudy.  I also know that it is cloudy for many data professionals these days. Some fear the change and they will be left behind.

Change is inevitable. In fact there is nothing permanent in life except change. Failing to embrace the shift to cloud technologies is a career mistake. For me “cloud” = “opportunity knocking”. Don’t wait too long to answer the door.

Didn’t Write A Book About Bacon

I had a lot of people ask if I was behind the book Fifty Shades of Bacon and I can neither confirm nor deny any involvement in that tasty book. I did take part in the technical review for the book Pro SQL Database for Windows Azure: SQL Server in the Cloud. Did I already mention that your future is cloudy?

There you have it, a list of things that didn’t happen to me in 2012.

I can’t wait to see all the things I won’t do in 2013!