MVP Summit Update

I know what you are thinking, how could I, someone who is not attending the MVP Summit, possibly recap the events without being there? From the twitter stream, of course. Turns out that geeks love gadgets. What’s more, they love to talk (tweet) about their gadgets, or the gadgets they are looking at right now. Plus, they also like to tell us about the other events that are going on, which leads to such things as the following:

1. Most people arrived on Sunday, some on time, some not.
2. People were crammed onto buses.
3. In the midst of a recession, the salad dressing was made from salmon.
4. People talked about vaginas. Possibly their own, most likely about others.
5. They ran out of beer on the first night. Mostly due to people taking more than their fair share. Or fighting with bears, not really sure.
6. People tweeted about their NDA, and complained about the food. But some people who clearly do not get out much thought it was good.
7. One keynote had speech to text captioning, which was not always perfect.
8. Apparently, DBA now stands for “Default Blame Acceptor”.

So, with all that in mind I am being led to believe that this “Summit” of MVP designates is nothing more than some type of rather large customer advisory board. They tap people as an MVP, have them whisked away to Seattle, sit them down, show them shiny things, solicit feedback, shove salmon down their throats, and say “see you next year”?

I am not buying it. Not for a second. I know there is something more sinister at hand here. Microsoft is poised to take over the world, and these people are the foot soldiers, pawns if you will, in the game of World Domination. Trust me, I have spent my adult life fighting crime and the idea of a company looking to take over the world is not new. There are too many holes in their story. For example, they go out of their way to remind people about their NDA, but make no mention about if it is OK to discuss the plans you see in your SQL MVP sessions with the plans being shown to the Operations Manager MVP’s in their sessions. Assuming the NDA extends to all sessions and all attendees, then you would start to get a sense that there is some type of Manhattan Project going on here, with each group being fed just enough information to carry out their role, and no more.

Only a few people at the top know the whole story, but what is the top anyway? Is there an organization chart that shows where the MVP’s would sit? Of course not, no cabal is going to publish such information. So we are left to speculate as to the how Microsoft will go about taking over the world, most likely by converting our currencies to Microsoft Points as a first step. After all, is it any coincidence that on the eve of the MVP Summit the global markets tumbled yet another five percent? 

Of course not. It’s all part of the plan.

So, go ahead MVP’s, keep tweeting about how much fun you are having, about how you can’t tell us about the things you see on the screen, or about how much you hate the food, or the bus. Or about how the WiFi keeps going out and you seem to be oblivious to the fact that someone is clearly tracking your conversations. I’m not buying it.

At least, not yet.