101 Ways to Say NO to SysAdmin Requests

July 24, 2020

As an admin, you often get requests from developers asking for elevated permissions on servers and systems. Inside of SQL Server, this is called 'sysadmin' access. As you can imagine, it is not a good idea to give this level of access to just anyone.

I thought I would write a post to help you find a way to decline such requests. Because let's face it, when a developer asks for sysadmin access, they are asking if they can go all the way with your database.

So, here they are. As always, you’re welcome.

  1. No
  2. I'll let you know later
  3. How about a pizza instead?
  4. You're not ready
  5. It's late on a Friday
  6. I don't do sysadmin
  7. I don't like you
  8. I have to go now
  9. You're just using me
  10. I'd rather you rub my shoulders
  11. I can't fix what you'll break
  12. I'm afraid you'll do something stupid
  13. This isn't what I had in mind
  14. I know your reputation
  15. Let's stop working together for a while
  16. If you respected me, you wouldn't ask
  17. I'll get caught
  18. Is that all you think about?
  19. I'm allergic to sysadmin
  20. You'll let everyone use it
  21. My keyboard is too loud
  22. It's not worth it
  23. I'm waiting for the right developer
  24. It's against my religion
  25. My boss will kill me
  26. Let's get something to eat
  27. I want us to be friends
  28. I said no and I mean it
  29. You're too young too handle the admin
  30. Don't ask me to make this choice
  31. The sysadmin system is down
  32. Sysadmin can be more trouble than its worth
  33. Not everybody has sysadmin, I don't
  34. With all this ransomware going around?
  35. Don't make me laugh
  36. I don't like fixing your mistakes
  37. I don't just grant sysadmin
  38. I just got the server built
  39. Shhh. I think I hear your boss
  40. We can find other ways for you to screw things up
  41. If I do, you'll leave an RDP session connected
  42. My boss is waiting for our 1-on-1
  43. I've got real work to do
  44. If I do that now, you will ruin things later
  45. I don't know you well enough
  46. I can't remember my password
  47. I want you to leave
  48. I'd rather watch Love Island
  49. Have you thought about the consequences?
  50. I think my manager is calling
  51. I don't want to
  52. People will think I'm "easy"
  53. Go away
  54. I don't know what other systems you have touched
  55. I want us to stop working together
  56. Maybe later
  57. I'll show myself out
  58. Support isn't just about being sysadmin
  59. It's not what I want to do
  60. My favorite podcast just dropped
  61. I thought you were different
  62. My therapist said not to
  63. I just quit
  64. I want that server to stay clean
  65. I have to go to the toilet
  66. It's past quitting time
  67. It's against my strongly held values
  68. I'm too busy
  69. Ask me again in five months
  70. You ignore my advice all the time
  71. I want to keep my career
  72. Thanks anyway
  73. I'm not ready for that type of commitment
  74. We won't respect each other later
  75. Let's ask the auditors
  76. I have an early meeting
  77. I'm not sure you're the right person
  78. Not today
  79. I don't want that kind of pressure
  80. My teammates will be here any minute
  81. I don't want our relationship to just be about sysadmin access
  82. That's a no from me
  83. Not in a million years
  84. Downvoted
  85. Did you say something?
  86. Go home, you're drunk
  87. We should get to know each other first
  88. I want to, but I can't
  89. Waiting will make it better when you do get sysadmin access
  90. Quit asking, it's getting annoying
  91. I have a webinar to attend
  92. I don't like doing what other people are doing
  93. It's too risky
  94. My CIO trusts me, and I don't want to break that trust
  95. It just doesn't feel like the right time
  96. I have a bad feeling about this
  97. I don't trust you
  98. That's funny
  99. No, that's my final answer
  100. The other devs will want it, too
  101. How about we cuddle instead?