101 Ways to Say NO to SysAdmin Requests

As an admin, you often get requests from developers asking for elevated permissions on servers and systems. Inside of SQL Server, this is called ‘sysadmin‘ access. As you can imagine, it is not a good idea to give this level of access to just anyone.

I thought I would write a post to help you find a way to decline such requests. Because let’s face it, when a developer asks for sysadmin access, they are asking if they can go all the way with your database.

So, here they are. As always, you’re welcome.

1. No
2. I’ll let you know later
3. How about a pizza instead?
4. You’re not ready
5. It’s late on a Friday
6. I don’t do sysadmin
7. I don’t like you
8. I have to go now
9. You’re just using me
10. I’d rather you rub my shoulders
11. I can’t fix what you’ll break
12. I’m afraid you’ll do something stupid
13. This isn’t what I had in mind
14. I know your reputation
15. Let’s stop working together for a while
16. If you respected me, you wouldn’t ask
17. I’ll get caught
18. Is that all you think about?
19. I’m allergic to sysadmin
20. You’ll let everyone use it
21. My keyboard is too loud
22. It’s not worth it
23. I’m waiting for the right developer
24. It’s against my religion
25. My boss will kill me
26. Let’s get something to eat
27. I want us to be friends
28. I said no and I mean it
29. You’re too young too handle the admin
30. Don’t ask me to make this choice
31. The sysadmin system is down
32. Sysadmin can be more trouble than its worth
33. Not everybody has sysadmin, I don’t
34. With all this ransomware going around?
35. Don’t make me laugh
36. I don’t like fixing your mistakes
37. I don’t just grant sysadmin
38. I just got the server built
39. Shhh. I think I hear your boss
40. We can find other ways for you to screw things up
41. If I do, you’ll leave an RDP session connected
42. My boss is waiting for our 1-on-1
43. I’ve got real work to do
44. If I do that now, you will ruin things later
45. I don’t know you well enough
46. I can’t remember my password
47. I want you to leave
48. I’d rather watch Love Island
49. Have you thought about the consequences?
50. I think my manager is calling
51. I don’t want to
52. People will think I’m “easy”
53. Go away
54. I don’t know what other systems you have touched
55. I want us to stop working together
56. Maybe later
57. I’ll show myself out
58. Support isn’t just about being sysadmin
59. It’s not what I want to do
60. My favorite podcast just dropped
61. I thought you were different
62. My therapist said not to
63. I just quit
64. I want that server to stay clean
65. I have to go to the toilet
66. It’s past quitting time
67. It’s against my strongly held values
68. I’m too busy
69. Ask me again in five months
70. You ignore my advice all the time
71. I want to keep my career
72. Thanks anyway
73. I’m not ready for that type of commitment
74. We won’t respect each other later
75. Let’s ask the auditors
76. I have an early meeting
77. I’m not sure you’re the right person
78. Not today
79. I don’t want that kind of pressure
80. My teammates will be here any minute
81. I don’t want our relationship to just be about sysadmin access
82. That’s a no from me
83. Not in a million years
84. Downvoted
85. Did you say something?
86. Go home, you’re drunk
87. We should get to know each other first
88. I want to, but I can’t
89. Waiting will make it better when you do get sysadmin access
90. Quit asking, it’s getting annoying
91. I have a webinar to attend
92. I don’t like doing what other people are doing
93. It’s too risky
94. My CIO trusts me, and I don’t want to break that trust
95. It just doesn’t feel like the right time
96. I have a bad feeling about this
97. I don’t trust you
98. That’s funny
99. No, that’s my final answer
100. The other devs will want it, too
101. How about we cuddle instead?