16 things that didn't happen to me in 2016It’s that time of year again. The time when we find many “year 2016 in review”, “what to expect when you’re expecting 2017”, and “resolutions you will not follow in 2017” articles littered about the series of tubes known as the internet. It’s only natural for folks to wax nostalgic as 2016 fades into the sunset one final time. And I think we can all agree that 2016 was not the best of years.

I, however, have never been one to follow the crowd.

So as we close out 2016 it’s time for my annual review of things that didn’t happen to me during the previous twelve months.

As always, you’re welcome.

Didn’t run for President

But everyone else did, it seemed. The Democrats had seven people run. Not to be outdone, the Republicans had eighteen candidates step forward. And out of those twenty-five candidates, America selected an internet troll to be President.

Didn’t eat my weight in Scotch eggs

But I made every effort to do so while at SQLBits in Liverpool this past May. In 2017, SQLBits is returning to Telford and I have no idea if I can get a scotch egg there or not. I may need to buy the scotch and eggs separately and combine them myself.

Didn’t lose the kids in London

We took a family vacation to London this past July, spending 10 days traveling in and around the city (see above photo). I believe that it is important for children to travel to better understand more about the world than just their hometown. I’m fortunate to have the opportunity and the means to make that happen.

Didn’t get to name a research vessel

In a perfect example of how crowd-sourcing can go horribly wrong, here’s what happens when you let the internet pick a name for something. Remember folks, none of us is as dumb as all of us.

Didn’t vote to leave the EU

UK: #Brexit.

USA: Yeah? Hold my beer and watch this.

Didn’t buy a new VCR

I didn’t even know they were still alive until I saw this article. And then, while Christmas shopping, I noticed a store had turntables for sale. Pretty soon 8-tracks will be available again and then I can listen to Donny Osmond’s Disco Train in all its glory.

Didn’t buy a smartwatch

And neither did many of you, either, according to this report. It’s almost as if the folks at Apple have no idea what people want anymore. Go figure. Look, I don’t wear a watch now, and I haven’t in years. Making a watch “smart” isn’t going to end that streak for me.

Didn’t attend my own funeral

I suspect that for many 2016 was seen as a rather depressing year. And it seems that 2016 has seen a high rate of celebrity deaths as well. I think this video best describes 2016 for everyone.

Didn’t occupy land in protest

The year started with a protest in Oregon and ended with one in South Dakota. Reviewing details of the two incidents shows a stark contrast to the methods and tactics used by both sides. In both cases, peace won out, which probably pissed off 2016 to the point it started taking all the celebrities it could (see previous item).

Didn’t have EverNote steal my data

Because I stopped using Evernote years ago when OneNote became comparable and started offering decent versions for my iMac and my iPhone. I’m still in shock that Evernote thought that what they were doing would be okay in any way.

Didn’t visit Cuba

Not yet, but if there is ever a data event taking place I want to be the first to sign up! I have always wanted to visit Cuba, and hope to do so soon. I’m not even bitter about Obama devaluing overnight the value of my Cuban cigar collection.

Didn’t have my water tainted

But they did in Flint, MI. We take so much for granted here in the USA. Things like electricity and clean water. Last week my furnace quit, making me understand how I took my heat for granted, too. Access to clean water is difficult for many in the world, the leaders in Flint should not have acted so carelessly with something so precious.

Didn’t visit Jupiter

But Juno did, and I had been accepted to attend the Juno launch years ago but had to back out. So, I guess that means this counts as two things I didn’t do in my life – yet.

Didn’t have my Yahoo account breached once

Because it didn’t happen once, it happened twice. In the span of four months, Yahoo came forward to admit two breaches affecting millions of accounts. For years I have considered Yahoo to be one of the worst companies with regards to data security and privacy, and these breaches confirm my suspicions.

Didn’t have my home devices attack me

I’m not much of an early adopter for a lot of things. As a result, my home is not full of IoT devices like refrigerators, light bulbs, and toilet seats. That’s probably how I missed out on the Mirai botnet this year. It seems to me that humans are far too trusting when it comes to security. perhaps we should let the bots build themselves for a while.

Didn’t buy an online spam rolodex

But Microsoft did, overpaying for LinkedIn, the global leader in spam emails, overtaking Yahoo by a slim margin back in 2014 and getting worse with each passing week. It has gotten so bad that we now have Nigerian Princes openly creating profiles on LinkedIn. I’m optimistic that Microsoft can help reduce the flow of unwanted spam from LinkedIn, perhaps by leveraging one or more of their bots in some manner. At the end of the day I believe that Microsoft knows better than I do about the true value of LinkedIn, and I’m looking forward to LinkedIn on Linux soon.

There you have it, a list of things that didn’t happen to me in 2016.

I can’t wait to see all the things I won’t do in 2017!