Last Minute Gift Ideas For Santa

Dear Santa,

It’s been a long time since my last letter. I do hope this one finds you in good health and spirits as you come upon your busiest day of the year. I know how busy you get because you always forget my name when I meet you in the mall each year.

It’s OK though, I know what it is like to be so busy that you forget names. I’ve often forgotten the names of my own children. But they live here so it’s easy for me to find out.

Anyway Santa, I know that you could use a little help. So this year I wanted to suggest some last minute gift ideas for some folks that need something extra.

Here is my list:

To the folks at Amazon, a picture of the droids drones we are looking for. Their on-time delivery stats aren’t very impressive but they do get the job done. And last time I checked they didn’t need FAA approval.

To the executives at Google, a downloaded set of The Terminator trilogy, along with a complete history of Skynet and a reminder of Google’s motto “Don’t be evil.”

For the gang at Microsoft, the design for the Xbox Two, because no one ever wants to buy version 1.0 of a product.

For our friends at Oracle, hourly Java desktop updates that silently install the Bing toolbar.

To my dear friends at American Express, the desire to issue cards with electronic chips so I don’t have to learn how to say “no chip, you swipe” in a dozen different languages when I travel.

To Marissa Mayer and everyone at Yahoo, free GMail accounts so they don’t have to go days without email. I’d also suggest upgraded Skype accounts, for their remote workers.

To the folks at Delta airlines, enough red wine for all my flights in 2014, as well as reliable Wifi service.

To everyone that helped make Healthcare.gov a reality, the contact details of a decent IT project manager.

To all members of Congress, the opportunity to pay for their own healthcare as well as the chance to stand in line at CVS for an hour to have a prescription filled. Don’t forget the co-pay. Also, a book or two on how to deal with each other.

To the design teams at Apple, touch screen technology for their laptops. Also, Parental Control features that rival what Microsoft offers.

For everyone at the National Security Agency, a copy of the Constitution, in multiple languages.

To all Hilton chain hotels, enough free popcorn and wine for all Hilton Honors Gold members.

To all the talking heads on all the cable media channels, a scholarship to attend a journalism refresher course where they can learn to report facts and not opinion. I don’t need someone to do my thinking for me, I’m already married.

To my new boss, the strength to put up with me for the coming year.

To everyone at SolarWinds, the strength to put up with me for the coming year.

To my family, the strength to put up with me for yet another year.

OK, those last three are really gifts for me.

Thanks Santa, for taking care of everyone again this year and Happy Christmas to anyone reading this post.