I guess the part that bothers me is that I think you’re right, and I also think that it’s a problem. It shouldn’t be the case that the behavior of one member of a group* reflects on the group as a whole. I’d be bothered if someone related an anecdote about a man browbeating his way to an undeserved promotion, followed by a comment about “the problem with men in the workplace.”

I guess what I’m – clumsily – getting at is that the very fact that one woman’s flirting can make it harder for other women in the workplace is a fairly clear indication of how much further we as a society have to go on the gender equality front. As a man, I have the luxury of not worrying about how I look when some man elsewhere in the company acts a boor; I would be shocked (and angered) if I learned that I was in any way held responsible for his actions.

Women should have the same luxury – and I guess I was naive enough to believe that you did. And while I’d like to think I don’t contribute to the problem, since I managed to be oblivious to it I have to wonder if I’m guilty of that kind of thinking without realizing it.

* I mean specifically involuntary groups, like ethnicity and sex.

Thanks for the clarification – on first read, I thought you were saying that one woman’s flirtation would reflect poorly on all women in the workplace. Glad I asked before starting to argue…maybe some of those times Mom said “look before you leap” it actually sank in!

President Ahmadinejad,

I can only imagine that you get free Wifi on your flight back to Iran. Glad to see you are still engaged here. I always welcome a healthy debate on just about anything.

Can you enlighten me as to the difference between “opinion” and “sociological observation”? If I were to observe that Mexicans are great at being field workers, is that a sociological observation? I just want to be clear on your definitions.

As for the difference between your generation and mine, I believe there are quite more than just a handful. I especially liked how you were taught that we needed to stop the halt of Communism in Southeast Asia. Nice job on that one. And good thing you succeeded, too, otherwise who knows what the world would look like today, right?

I don’t need to look up the history of why women voted for JFK, I can just ask my family. I trust their sociological observations more than what I would find on the intertubz.

I hope one day you will reveal your true identity and you and I can sit down to discuss this in person. Debating in the comments section of a blog post is pointless, and I won’t bother to continue. I would welcome the opportunity to learn more about why you hold such a particular viewpoint.

Tom

Matt,

It was meant more in a general sense, that any woman who chooses to get ahead based upon their ability to “flirt” will find it difficult to get the respect that they may get otherwise.

In my opinion, by saying it is okay to “flirt”, it sends the wrong message about how to advance your career regardless of your gender. The overall message to me is that if you try to be a people person and be pleasant to others, than it could help your career in a positive way. To me, that is fine. However, I believe it’s wrong to take it any further than that. Denise is right. Not only is it dangerous, but you can lose serious credibility and respect. What kind of message are you sending to people if you do that?

Also, how is building a rapport with someone considered flirting? To me, building a rapport is building a rapport which is finding common ground with someone. Flirting is taking it to a whole other level that doesn’t belong in the workplace.

To be honest, there are times when I really am not sure how to act. At one job, I thought I was just being pleasant and friendly to everyone by smiling and saying hi when I would pass someone in the hallway. It turned out one person took it the wrong way and apparently thought I was flirting. It was not my intention. I really am not that kind of person. Now if I did the opposite, would I be considered stuck up? Trying to find that safe middle ground can be difficult at times but I guess we can only do our best.