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SQL Theme Song

SQL Theme Song

You knew this was coming. Put on some Nickelback and imagine how awesome it would be to have them sing this version. If @SQLFool ever does a non-rap contest, consider this my entry. I’ll work on a video, maybe I can get it done by the time PASS rolls around and get some of the big names to participate. And if you are looking to sing along, then you can go to http://blip.fm/~b8xig. You’re welcome.

I’m through with going to forums and newsgroups I can’t stand
It’s like everything I do is done with SQLCMD
This career hasn’t turned out
To lead me to SQL MVP
(Tell me what you want)

I want brand new version of the latest software
And upgraded firmware for all my hardware
And during a class I want
Paul and Kimberly to mention me
(Yeah, so what you need?)

I need a buffer cache that’s got no limit
And a CHECKDB that I know will finish
Gonna create a plan
That does all my backups for me
(Been there, done that)

I want a new desktop with the right tools
My own dedicated application pools
And using either Profiler
Or Perfmon is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I’d even color my hair
And change my name

‘Cause we all just wanna be SQL rockstars
And have Nehalem processors, talkin’ sixteen cores
The data comes easy and the disk comes cheap
And all our memory just won’t leak

And we’ll watch our CPU thrash
While we empty out the procedure cache
Every recompile’s gonna wind up there
Every cursor built ’cause someone didn’t care

And well, hey, hey, I wanna be a SQL rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a SQL rockstar

I wanna be great like Farmer without the costume
Hire eight of my buddies just to listen to Zunes
Write a couple articles
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the bacon quesadilla)

I’m gonna dress my ass with the latest swag
Fly to Seattle just for the jet lag
Gonna date a developer that loves
To fill up my tempdb
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I’d even color my hair
And change my name

‘Cause we all just wanna be SQL rockstars
And have Nehalem processors, talkin’ sixteen cores
The data comes easy and the disk comes cheap
And all our memory just won’t leak

And we’ll watch our CPU thrash
While we empty out the procedure cache
Every recompile’s gonna wind up there
Every cursor built ’cause someone didn’t care

And we’ll hide out in the speaker rooms
With the latest Tweets from today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a vendor on speed dial

Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a SQL rockstar

I’m gonna write that blog that offends the censors
Gonna drink my Jaeger from a tap dispenser
Get washed-up coders writin’ all my procs
Resynch’em every night so they don’t get ’em wrong

‘Cause we all just wanna be SQL rockstars
And have Nehalem processors, talkin’ sixteen cores
The data comes easy and the disk comes cheap
And all our memory just won’t leak

And we’ll watch our CPU thrash
While we empty out the procedure cache
Every recompile’s gonna wind up there
Every cursor built ’cause someone didn’t care

And we’ll hide out in the speaker rooms
With the latest Tweets from today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a vendor on speed dial

Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a SQL rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a SQL rockstar

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