I seem to be in the minority on this, but the new Star Trek movie was simply a disappointment for me. While it was fun to watch at times, the plot and storylines left a bad taste in my mouth.
I only saw it once so far and during that initial viewing quite a few things came to my mind as being hard to believe. As if traveling through space on ships with simulated gravity and teleportation devices was somehow okay. Let’s just avoid the physics of Star Trek for a moment and focus on the issues with the story.
This is the part where I tell you to stop reading if you have not seen the movie yet because I am going to tell you things that happened in the movie and I don’t want you to be upset if I spoil things for you. Seriously, stop reading now.
OK, let’s start at the beginning, and I will try to remember the events in the order that they came to me while watching the movie. I will also try not to harp too much on things that are going to be easily dismissed with a wave of the hand and someone saying “alternate reality”.
- James T. Kirk (JTK) was born in Iowa, not in space, and has a younger brother. Want to toss that away with an alternate reality? Fine, go ahead. But there was no previous mention of JTK’s father having served in Starfleet, and your alternate reality doesn’t really start until that Romulan ship comes back in time…so…how the hell do you explain that you are actually using an alternate-alternate reality? Oh, nevermind.
- There are no canyons in Iowa. Well, I am fairly certain there are no canyons in Iowa. Perhaps the young JTK drove all the way to Arizona or something? Or is this a nod to the test weapon that was in Star Trek: Enterprise that puts a deep scar into the Earth and kills Tripp’s sister?
- They are building huge constitution class starships on the surface of the planet, and not in space? But in every other Star Trek franchise they are building ships in space, which makes a lot more sense to me at least. Anyone ever heard of Utopia Planetia?
- So, there is a huge crisis, and as a result all of the cadets need to board their ships immediately. The Enterprise is the flagship of the fleet, am I supposed to believe that it would be staffed primarily with cadets at every crucial position? What kind of militaristic outfit would ever do this?
- This huge ass Romulan ship is just sitting there, for 25 years, and no one bothers to ask questions?
- JTK gets aboard the ship somehow and the Captain doesn’t just toss him in the brig? It’s no wonder the Klingons are kicking our ass at this point in time as we have no discipline on display anywhere.
- So, we need to parachute down to this mining platform because…um…the transporter is broken?
- Just how close is this frozen ice planet to Vulcan anyway? And what are the odds that Scotty is there?
- Red matter. Really?
- Wow, so they can transport onto a ship traveling at warp speed, but they could not transport down to that mining platform. Oh well. Lucky for them Sulu packs his own sword.
- When a star goes supernova, it collapses upon itself. So…how would red matter help here? Make it super-collapse? And if one drop is enough, why take a few extra gallons along?
- This Romulan blames Spock for their star going ‘nova? Um…excuse me…but why the hell wasn’t everyone evacuated from Romulus while Spock was busy putting together the red matter and traveling in a ship to Romulus? I’m just sayin’ is all.
- The flagship is now under the command of a cadet. I am thinking someone got passed over for a promotion somewhere along the line. I know I’d be pissed.
- Spock doesn’t want to ruin the new timeline and bonding experience for Kirk and Young Spock? Wow, this alternate reality must be old hat for him, he seems to be accepting it quite nicely.
- Spock is within walking distance of a Federation outpost and is…waiting…for…what?
- The Star Trek: Enterprise franchise, which clearly happened even in this reality as there was mention of Jonathan Archer as the reason Scotty was put on the ice planet, that franchise spent two years talking about a Temporal Cold War, where essentially there are people in place to help put the original timeline back in place should things like this happen. So…um…I guess those people don’t really exist? But Archer does. But they don’t. So if we all pretend that show never happened, why mention Archer at all?
- Hey! Nero! Guess what? ROMULUS STILL EXISTS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW! So, stop by on your way home and tell people about how a star is going to go ‘nova. Perhaps they will evacuate in time, or maybe find a way to prevent it from happening, but whatever dude. If you stop by in that ship of yours chances are you will alter the future, and reverse all the bad, and the timeline will correct itself naturally. Just a thought.
- How does ejecting the core propel you forward when there is no air in space? Oh, forget it, I can accept that one just as easily as I accept the fact that everyone can walk around a starship as if gravity still exists.
Seriously, the whole alternate reality thing just makes me think that they couldn’t think of a better way to reboot the series. Which is sad, really, because I expect more from professional screenwriter than this type of trick. Hell, I could have sat through two hours of a LOST type backstory for each character and felt better at the end than this film. It just seems like they had more options than reaching into the time travel well right from the start.
It was apparent to me that the actors had fun while making the film, and they enjoyed pulling it all together for us, but in the end it just left me feeling disappointed, not excited.
But I would go see it again. It was better than the Battlestar Galactica finale. Don’t get me started on that.
You forgot the retardedness of the huge ball of ‘red matter’ when all they needed was a drop.
i know, right? if one drop is enough to create a singularity, then a gallon would…create…what exactly? nevermind, it’s best to not let actual physics get in the way of a good story. too bad they didn’t have that here.
I enjoyed the new Star Trek and tried to ignore some of the issues. I do want to follow up on a few of your issues though.
* Brother George was in the movie. Remember the hitchhiker Kirk passed in the vette and yelled “Hey George!” The novelization explained why George was thumbing and why James took the vette.
* Parachutes. They did explain in the movie that because of the interference caused by the plasma drill they could not operate the transporter.
All your other points? Spot on. I agree with you 100%
And the BSG finale? Good grief. Cavil deserved a better ending. WTF was that with Starbuck? Gimmie a break. Angels? Really? And how in the hell did they find earth twice??? Once they find earth (obvious N. America in the planet wide shot) but it was already nuked by cylons. Then the series ends because the find….earth? Seems they made it clear the series ended with everybody finding what will become modern day earth. How how how did they find it twice and in two different states of being? I was so disappointed in that.
thanks for the reply.
the kid JTK passes seems to be older, and i seem to recall that JTK had a younger brother…by a few years younger…and who the hell reads novels anyway?
i am supposed to believe that “interference” means they can’t use the transporter, but later on they can transport onto a ship traveling at warp speed? ok then, why a parachute and not take a shuttle, or several shuttles, to go down there and blow it away? and what the hell is wrong with the planet Vulcan’s defense? don’t they have an air force or missiles or something?
i said to not get me started on BSG, and i meant it.
Hear Hear. Saw it just last night, and it made me uncomfortable too. Spock and Uhura? Really? Where did THAT come from. And didn’t the planet Vulcan show up in EVERY Start Trek movie and TV series? Oh, alternate reality, right. And in the TV series, no one had ever seen a Romulan, and everyone suspected Spock.
And Sulu needed a sword? Cna’t he just take a phaser? Those don’t work? And how do you survive re-entry in a body-suit?
Very poor thought processes. And was the actor playing Bones *just a little* over the top for everyone, or is it just me?
OK – had to post this: http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/06/passing-the-phaser-10-tips-for-turning-your-kids-into-trekkies/
Tony’s explanation for the need for parachutes is spot on. But don’t worry, Ebert missed it too in his review.
Also, I thought they could only beam onto ships travelling warp speed only after future-Spock punched in future-Scotty’s equation for doing so.
I like to take Basil’s advice to Austin Powers on time travel movies: “I suggest you don’t worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.”
yeah, i know, i tried to enjoy myself, and put all of this aside. still, after it was over, i was not excited or energized by what i had experienced. i just flt disappointment. then again, they didn’t make the movie for me, they made it for a different generation of people to enjoy and follow for the next 10-15 years.
yes, i know they needed Spock to give them the equation in a blatant attempt at making a connection with those of us that saw Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. that’s not my point, really. my point is that they could have written that scene differently. parachuting from the upper atmosphere? oh really? well, let’s make sure i pack an extra regulation sword, just in case. and you there, the one with the red shirt, let’s make sure you pull your cord in time, ok? sorry, i just wish they had done something different there.
basil’s advice is perfect. they should have opened the movie with that clip. that would have helped.
What the hell passing over command to a cadet is too easy, “You’re in Command now it is your decision.” :(. The movie revolves around passing the buck. I dont want to see JTK or Spock become Captains overnight.
Every star trek movie or episode had a theme/moral that would excite, This was totally absent. I was disappointed.
Finally I find someone who felt the way I did. I walked out of the theater unsure what to think. Sure, it was a fun movie and the actors did a good job. But it’s obvious that Paramount can’t come up with any new, fresh ideas. The only reason they made this movie is to make money off of a whole new fan base. They don’t care about keeping the spirit of ST alive. They just want to keep the shell on life support and milk every cent they can out of us.
So in 1 movie they wiped out 40 years of Trek history.
According to The Star Trek Encyclopedia, George Samuel Kirk is JTK’s OLDER brother – which means they missed something else before screwing up the timeline.
Why were all of the Enterprise’s innards so exposed?
And what was with this mining ship? First, why would it be so heavily armed? Are they mining where they aren’t supposed to? Second, it was enormous! Hundreds of starships could fit inside it. Spock even flew his ship around in it! But the characters were able to get from one point to another instantaneously.
I’m glad I only paid the matinee price.
I’m WAY behind the curve here – I missed this on the first go round – but I have to correct one thing.
“How does ejecting the core propel you forward when there is no air in space?”
Inertia – the tendancey of an object to stay still or keep moving, according to its current state – is a property of matter that is in effect without regard to the surrounding atmosphere (or lack thereof). One is forcibly expelling a very dense/heavy chunk of matter, so I can see it moving the ship.
I can’t defend that scene specifically…only saw the new Trek once, and I don’t remember it well.
Nerd out.
Jen,
I’ll need to review the scene as well, i believe it shows the ship being moved forward as a result of an explosion and pushing of air forward. You know, just like every other sci-fi movie that has all their physics wrong.