Show Me The Error

The other day I needed to describe the funny sound my car was making to my mechanic. If anyone is reading this there is probably a good chance that you have tried to do something similar at some point in your life. maybe not your car, but at some point you have had the need to communicate the specifics of a problem to another human being. And we all know that communication can be a hard thing, right?

Maybe it is just me, but I try to acknowledge that communication issues exist between people. Then again, maybe I think this way because I recently saw the movie Babel. Whatever the reason, such issues do exist, and it is best for people to understand that they exist even before you start to communicate with someone else.

Especially if you decide to use email as your primary source of communication.

So, there I am, reviewing some reports, drinking my coffee, when I see an email from a client who needs help.

“Server X is out of space. Can someone please add more?”

Perplexed at this voice from the ether, I do what any good DBA would do…I ask some questions. At the same time I remote to the server to begin checking on free disk space (I find the lowest available space on any drive to be about 30Gb).

“I can help get more space added, but can you tell me what you are doing, and why you think the server is out of space?”

“Because it told me it was out of space, that’s why. How soon before you add more?”

Easy there, champ, I tell myself. Ask more questions before sending back the email you really want to send right now.

“I will be happy to get someone to add space, but I do need to know exactly how much is needed, otherwise we may not add enough the first time around. Can you explain the error message, or better yet, can you send me a picture? What is it you were trying to do when you saw the error message?”

Now, I tried, I really tried to work with this person. Maybe they are having a bad day, I don’t know. But I really do not believe I was being unreasonable. I like to get things done right the first time around. If more space is needed, is it not a good idea to figure out how much?

“There is no error message, just some words. I don’t understand why you won’t add space to the server. What’s the problem?”

Well, the problem is you. You don’t understand, and I am trying to get info from you in order to help you. I do not believe I have insulted you, but I am starting to feel as if you are insulting me. Okay then, game on.

“The problem is that I do not understand what you are trying to do, and on top of that you have not really helped me understand what you are trying to do. Once I get the necessary information, then I will be able to assist you. For the record, I am not the one who will be increasing the space on the disk, but I will be working with them, and they will want to know some facts from me before they do their work. Therefore, if you truly want this to happen anytime soon, you will need to work with me.

Now, you said there are some words on your screen, can you cut and paste those words and send them to me in an email? Can you capture a screen print and send that to me? Can you explain what you were trying to do (insert, delete, update, select) when you saw those words?

This information is important for us to assist you in the shortest time possible.”

Not the most polite response, I know. But hey, remember that I had not finished my coffee yet!

“I told you, there is no error message, therefore I cannot get a screen print. There are just some words at the bottom of the screen. They keep telling me the server is out of virtual memory. Please add more space to the server so I can do my work. You are holding up some important production reports.”

Oh, I don’t think I am the one holding up those production reports. Nice try, but when your boss wants to know what the problem was, you had better hope nobody asks me. In fact, your safest bet is to simply put this all behind you and never speak of it again.

So, at that point I put them in touch with a member from the desktop team, someone that owed me a favor in that office and could walk over to that client right away. Then, I got in touch with a member of the team that supports that client, and explained that this person needed some help. Turns out this is not the first time they have run into challenges similar to this one.

Thankfully, I did not lose my temper. I tried my best to listen to them, but it is clear they were not listening to me. And that is unfortunate, because I wanted to help, I really did, and I know they are looking back at me as if I was not being very helpful.

The lesson here: Send your DBA the error message! A screen print, cut and paste the output, anything. Anything at all that might be helpful. It will help us to help you much faster than if you try to explain things in your own words. In this case, maybe that was not an option, but the user could have written down the message and tried to relay that at the onset, instead of thinking they already knew the solution (and expected us to act immediately).

Or am I Crazy?