It’s that time of year again. The time when we find many “year-2014-in-review” and “what-to-expect-when-you’re-expecting-2015? articles littered about the series of tubes known as the internet. It’s only natural for folks to wax nostalgic as 2014 fades into the sunset one final time.
I, however, have never been one to follow the crowd.
So as we close out 2014 it’s time for my annual review of things that didn’t happen to me during the previous twelve months.
As always, you’re welcome.
Didn’t dump a bucket of ice water on my head
The Ice Bucket Challenge enjoyed slightly more than 15 minutes of fame this past year. Billions of brain cells killed by frostbite in an effort to raise awareness for charity. I wish I had completed the challenge with as much style as Sir Patrick Stewart.
11mi today. Just a few hills. #18kBefore8a I just ran 11.0 mi with Nike+. http://t.co/I8XexSRVW5 #nikeplus pic.twitter.com/WP8twqXMQn
— SQLRockstar (@SQLRockstar) August 16, 2014
Didn’t Run a Marathon
For the 8th year in a row now, as the 2006 New Your City Marathon remains the one and only time I was crazy enough to attempt using only my feet to move my body for 26.2 miles. I did run quite a bit this past summer and I am thinking of a few races for 2015.
Didn’t Win an Academy Award
Despite my work on the SolarWinds Lab episodes I have found myself snubbed by the Academy yet again. I’m beginning to think that perhaps the voting process is weighted in such a way that I may never win.
Didn’t Get Asked To Join the Illuminati (again)
And even if I did, it’s not like I would tell you. But I did write about how you can see the signs that the Illuminati exist everywhere, including inside of SQL Server.
Didn’t Go To The Moon
And neither did anyone else, but some crazy team landed on a comet! Also, NASA launched Orion, which is supposed to be the first step towards going to Mars, but they won’t be stopping at the Moon either. Closer to Earth I flew over 125,000 miles on Delta this year, so that’s about halfway to the moon. And I did it all without my emotional pig (yeah, that’s my home airport, and I couldn’t be more proud).
Didn’t Have a Wardrobe Malfunction On Stage at PASS Summit
I made it through the keynote this year with a minimal amount of gaffes. In rehearsal I kept saying “welcome to the 2015 PASS Summit”, and stepping on stage that morning my number one fear was saying the wrong year. Thankfully I wasn’t worried about my wardrobe.
@SQLRockstar has VERY fancy shoes. — Scott Senkeresty (@ScottSenkeresty) November 5, 2014
Didn’t Lose My Job to the Cloud
No, and I doubt anyone else has either, despite the FUD I continue to see spread regarding Cloud versus “Earthed” servers. Rimma Nehme said it best during her PASS Summit keynote when she told the room that whatever job you have now just put the word “Cloud” in front of it and spend time updating your skills. Otherwise your fate is sealed.
Didn’t Become A Vegetarian
As if this was ever in doubt? If anything my addition to tasty, salty pork products has intensified as evidenced by my latest adventure into making my own bacon. Which reminds me of something else that didn’t happen…
Didn’t Require a Stent
Despite the apparent rise in consumption of pork related products, and also seeing several friends have issues with their hearts, I have made it through another year without requiring the placement of a stent inside of my heart.
Didn’t Win the World Cup
And neither did the USA. The loss to Belgium cost me a wager with my friend Pieter Vanhove (blog | @pieter_vanhove), who earned a Belgium team jersey. I also was foolish enough to bet on Team USA in olympic hockey, costing me a Team Canada jersey in a wager with Colin Stasiuk (blog | @ColinStasiuk).
Didn’t Upgrade my MCM
Mostly because I can’t make sense of the website to have an idea of what exam I need next in order to stay current. And there is also the matter that the Microsoft Certified Master (MCM) doesn’t exist anymore. No, I’m not bitter.
Didn’t Get Hacked By North Korea
And neither did anyone else, apparently, despite what the FBI currently believes. My emails to Sony regarding a potential three picture deal were also not leaked, nor were my photos stolen in the iCloud hack. I’m beginning to think I might not be online enough to be a target but I’ll wait for the NSA to confirm that theory.
Didn’t Have My Bitcoins Discovered By IRS
I managed to get through the year without the IRS learning about my stockpile of bitcoins hidden under my mattress. While I would like to think I’ve found the perfect hiding spot for bitcoins the more likely reason the IRS hasn’t come looking to collect taxes is because my data has been lost.
Didn’t Become a Thing
Despite being online much of the year I wasn’t turned into a “thing” and then assimilated into the “Internet of Things” I keep hearing about. But if that does happen someday I hope I can get a cool t-shirt.
There you have it, a list of things that didn’t happen to me in 2014.
I can’t wait to see all the things I won’t do in 2015!
#15 we didn’t meet at the PASS Summit! Ahhh stenting… takes me back to my last job when it’s all we talked about 🙂 Balooning too! Hopefully we both won’t need it.
Agreed on all of the above!