The Break Up

I have written more than a handful of blog posts in regards to finding a job as a DBA. In fact, I have whole page dedicated to helping others land a job as a DBA. But I never put together a post on how to break up with your employer. That is, until now.

This past Monday I resigned from my current role in order to take on a new adventure. In the past four days I have had a variety of emotions about it all, and most of the emotions end up with me thinking about how hard it is to break up with someone. Which, I guess, makes complete sense since I have often likened the interview process to dating.

It has been over ten years since I left one job for another, but back then I had only invested 18 months of my life. I have spent nine years with my current employer; to walk away was a very difficult decision for me to make. And it was even more difficult for me to carry out. It was, essentially, exactly like a breakup.

“We need to talk.”

The first part of any break up is to get together and talk, of course. First thing in the morning I went over to my manager’s office and asked him if he had a few minutes for us to talk. I doubt he had any idea that I would be resigning that day. I chose to meet with my manager in his office, but you may choose to meet somewhere differently. For example, you may decide to grab lunch at a crowded restaurant. Find a place where you are comfortable having a conversation.

“I think we should see other people.”

A similar statement to this one would be something along the lines of “I’ve been made an offer…” or even “I’ve accepted an offer.” And that is really just another way for you to say that you want to start seeing someone else. And let’s be clear, whenever someone uses this line on you what they are really saying is that they want to see someone else.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

This classic line is one you can reach for, but how early you do so is up to you. The line itself is quite passive; you are making an effort to tell the other person that there is nothing wrong with them as opposed to attacking them by saying that they are at fault. I wouldn’t lead with this line, but that’s just me. If the statement is true then chances are your employer already knows if it is you, or them, or both.

“Someday you’ll find someone who will make you happy.”

You can always offer to help find your replacement. Whether it is suggesting someone internal slide into your role or looking outside to bring in a new member of the team, or both.

“I want us to stay friends.”

Leaving on good terms is always recommended. Above all else you must be professional throughout the entire experience. Moving on to a new adventure does not mean you burn your bridges on the way out of town. Staying professional and leaving on good terms is probably the most important thing for you to do. You may think that the people you leave behind will not play a role in your future, but you’ll be wrong. The world is a small place, and you really don’t know who will have a role in your future. It is best to hedge your bets; just assume that you will meet everyone again at some point in the future, right before you are all consumed by a bright light like in the finale of LOST.

“I’ll need my keys and my stuff back.”

You usually can’t take your stuff with you. Chances are you are using the company laptop as well as their phone. Oh, and those security badges that get you in the door? Yeah, you’ll need to turn those in as well. And don’t forget that parking sticker, you won’t be needing that either. Shedding these items can be an emotional experience for anyone. It is amazing that something as simple as a security badge can hold so much weight and significance. It reminds me of the backpack in Up In The Air, and all of the items you turn back in is a way for you to empty out your backpack.