Where Are My Cookies?

There has been a LOT of discussion going on lately with regards to the PASS elections, and with PASS in general. Everyone seems to have an idea of what they believe PASS should be doing with regards to this or that. I think it is wonderful that such discussions are taking place. What is not so wonderful is the medium that is being chosen for all of this discussions.

Blogs, comments to blogs, and tweets are one step removed from email. And email is a poor mode of communication. The events and discussions for the past week or so remind me of this:

My first thought is this: Did Pete know that Jon was expecting some cookies? Did Jon ever communicate that to Pete directly, in any way, or did Jon simply assume Pete knew enough to provide them? After reading this note, how will Pete feel, especially if he had no idea that cookies were expected? And if we assume that Pete did know that cookies were expected, is posting a note the right way for Jon to communicate?

And that’s how I feel right about now. Like someone just dropped a note in the office lunchroom asking for some cookies. Except that I knew about the cookies, but I thought you wanted some Peanut Butter & Bacon and you are now telling me that you really wanted some Chocolate Chip.

This is not about our inabilities. This is not about transparency, or governance, or any of that. No, this is about managing expectations, about managing relationships, and about improving the flow of communications (both ways).

I am not going to respond to each individual concern with (yet another) blog post. But you want answers, right? No problem. I will be in Seattle in nine days. I am easy to find, all you have to do is look. Give me, or anyone else on the Board, or PASS HQ, the opportunity to address your questions and concerns face to face, and let’s stop with the blogs, comments, and tweets for the next week.

Someone has to be the adult here. I just never thought it would be me.

http://www.sqlservercentral.com Steve Jones

Ha, you an adult?

I see your point, and it makes some sense, but not a tremendous amount. Are people that don’t come the Summit without a voice? Are people that might not want a verbal confrontation in person unable to speak?

We ought to allow discussion in many forms. And the board ought to respond to what they see and read. Not necessarily immediately, and not on every blog/tweet/email. But they can take stock of some suggestions, complaints, and criticisms and address them on sqlpass.org

Thomas LaRock

Steve,

I look forward to talking with you in person at the Summit. I would especially like to know why you feel that any discussion with me is a “verbal confrontation”. I thought I could talk with people, not confront them. And I am also curious to understand why you feel that Board members are not paying attention to what they are reading.

See how bad a mode of communication this can be? But hey, thanks for letting me know I don’t make a lot of sense. I don’t believe I have the power to not allow discussion in any form, but I’ll check on that in the morning. I do believe that I am free to express my concern that too many people are getting caught up in writing their emotions instead of speaking them.

For those unable to attend the Summit, feel free to contact me directly, and we can talk however you wish.

http://www.straightpathsql.com/blog Mike Walsh

Tom -

I will be at the Summit and I will probably search you out to talk to you if we happen to cross paths.

That being said, I have to say I disagree in part. The online communication is beneficial to all. With a large geographically diverse group such as PASS, it’s not like I can walk over to your office to talk about things.

Instead, I look to twitter (where many, if not all, on the board are), blogs (that some on the board maintain, and others that some read) as one avenue to express a feeling.

Do I feel that PASS is obligated to respond to every single point brought up in every online forum? No.

I do expect the community to be able to express themselves through their blogs and offer suggestions. If they want to bring explicit response, they can forward the board a link and say, read this. If they have particularly scathing remarks, perhaps an offline note is the best thing.

Yeah, face to face talking is best. I completely agree… It just isn’t possible for the vast number of people.

I am also with you that the communication flow both ways can be improved.

Don’t suggest that the individuals who care about PASS stop blogging and twittering and blog-commenting their opinions on important matters though. I fear that by doing that you alienate people and perhaps even risk insulting some. For many people, PASS is the group that brings a summit once a year.

For at least 578 others (or whatever the number that voted was), it is a group that they care about. For the volunteers it is a group that they care enough about to take time out of other competing priorities to try and give back and make better.

Asking for spontaneous, transparent communication in public places on the internet (in 2009) seems to me to shut that down a bit.

Don’t take this the wrong way and if I bump into you at the Summit I’ll explain my point and ask you some questions and have a dialog with you about PASS. I just think that a group such as ours has to accept and embrace this form of communication as part of the process.

Steve is dead on about the people who can’t make it or perhaps are too shy to bring it up. Or maybe they just don’t like “bacon and jaeger”

Thomas LaRock

Fair enough. Let me try again:

I would prefer if we could all get in a room to talk, rather than letting our fingers do all of our talking. I am seeing far to many negative comments as opposed to comments that offer some constructive criticisms. We have nine days until the Summit. Most of the people that have been writing things will be at the Summit. I hope to be able to speak with all of them.

Again, I don’t have the power to make people stop writing. I want people to think twice about some of the things they write. I am quite available to talk, and people know how to find me.

After the Summit, for those people who still prefer to communicate with their keyboards, I hope to also have some support from others with keyboards. Right now we are outnumbered, and it certainly feels as if no matter what we say or do at this point it will only serve to make things worse. Some of you are simply not easy to please, no matter what.

Not only would I remind people about how important it is to criticize privately, I would also ask that you walk a mile in our shoes before you profess to have all the answers.

http://www.straightpathsql.com/blog Mike Walsh

“Asking for spontaneous, transparent communication in public places on the internet (in 2009) seems to me to shut that down a bit.”

I meant

“Asking for spontaneous, transparent communication in public places on the internet (in 2009) to stop seems to me to shut down an important aspect of our community.”

Thomas LaRock

hmmm…if only it was a conversation, and not an email…where things could be taken the wrong way due to the lack of tone…

damn. too late.

http://www.straightpathsql.com/blog Mike Walsh

Oh well. I agree with your major point. Electronic means definitely kill the tone and people can get the wrong impression without that. I read most of the posts out there and saw a majority of them as constructive with some good ideas and thoughts. Our differing interpretations show that issue clearly.

I really do look forward to chatting with you at the Summit to just say hi anyway and maybe we can talk PASS and I can share some ideas/questions I have in person.

Thanks for the post.

Thomas LaRock

Sounds good.

And I know that there is value in having any discussion. It’s similar to the idea that there is no such thing as bad publicity. I just want people to be mindful and make certain their fingers don’t get too far ahead. If this was June, I wouldn’t bother posting this, but with only nine days to the Summit, i felt it was OK to ask people to catch their breath for a moment.

http://www.straightpathsql.com/blog Mike Walsh

Perfectly fair, Tom. Good the thoughts are out, now let’s chew on the thoughts and those who are there can discuss when we can.

We can spend the rest of the time seeing our families before leaving them for a week and preparing for the Summit.

Sounds very reasonable. Sorry for any grouchiness conveyed in my first response last night.
http://twitter.com/chuckboycejr Chuck Boyce

Tom,

I work for you, so I’m going to recuse myself from this conversation.

Chuck
@chuckboycejr
http://www.domesticatingit.com Jon DiPietro

I don’t have any skin in this game but have been watching the conversation mostly from Twitter. I thought I’d introduce some comic relief about how to properly set expectations and manage relationships. This video is regarding donuts, not cookies though: