I seem to be in the minority on this, but the new Star Trek movie was simply a disappointment for me. While it was fun to watch at times, the plot and storylines left a bad taste in my mouth.

I only saw it once so far and during that initial viewing quite a few things came to my mind as being hard to believe. As if traveling through space on ships with simulated gravity and teleportation devices was somehow okay. Let’s just avoid the physics of Star Trek for a moment and focus on the issues with the story.

This is the part where I tell you to stop reading if you have not seen the movie yet because I am going to tell you things that happened in the movie and I don’t want you to be upset if I spoil things for you. Seriously, stop reading now.

OK, let’s start at the beginning, and I will try to remember the events in the order that they came to me while watching the movie. I will also try not to harp too much on things that are going to be easily dismissed with a wave of the hand and someone saying “alternate reality”.

  • James T. Kirk (JTK) was born in Iowa, not in space, and has a younger brother. Want to toss that away with an alternate reality? Fine, go ahead. But there was no previous mention of JTK’s father having served in Starfleet, and your alternate reality doesn’t really start until that Romulan ship comes back in time…so…how the hell do you explain that you are actually using an alternate-alternate reality? Oh, nevermind.
  • There are no canyons in Iowa. Well, I am fairly certain there are no canyons in Iowa. Perhaps the young JTK drove all the way to Arizona or something? Or is this a nod to the test weapon that was in Star Trek: Enterprise that puts a deep scar into the Earth and kills Tripp’s sister?
  • They are building huge constitution class starships on the surface of the planet, and not in space? But in every other Star Trek franchise they are building ships in space, which makes a lot more sense to me at least. Anyone ever heard of Utopia Planetia?
  • So, there is a huge crisis, and as a result all of the cadets need to board their ships immediately. The Enterprise is the flagship of the fleet, am I supposed to believe that it would be staffed primarily with cadets at every crucial position? What kind of militaristic outfit would ever do this?
  • This huge ass Romulan ship is just sitting there, for 25 years, and no one bothers to ask questions?
  • JTK gets aboard the ship somehow and the Captain doesn’t just toss him in the brig? It’s no wonder the Klingons are kicking our ass at this point in time as we have no discipline on display anywhere.
  • So, we need to parachute down to this mining platform because…um…the transporter is broken?
  • Just how close is this frozen ice planet to Vulcan anyway? And what are the odds that Scotty is there?
  • Red matter. Really?
  • Wow, so they can transport onto a ship traveling at warp speed, but they could not transport down to that mining platform. Oh well. Lucky for them Sulu packs his own sword.
  • When a star goes supernova, it collapses upon itself. So…how would red matter help here? Make it super-collapse? And if one drop is enough, why take a few extra gallons along?
  • This Romulan blames Spock for their star going ‘nova? Um…excuse me…but why the hell wasn’t everyone evacuated from Romulus while Spock was busy putting together the red matter and traveling in a ship to Romulus? I’m just sayin’ is all.
  • The flagship is now under the command of a cadet. I am thinking someone got passed over for a promotion somewhere along the line. I know I’d be pissed.
  • Spock doesn’t want to ruin the new timeline and bonding experience for Kirk and Young Spock? Wow, this alternate reality must be old hat for him, he seems to be accepting it quite nicely.
  • Spock is within walking distance of a Federation outpost and is…waiting…for…what?
  • The Star Trek: Enterprise franchise, which clearly happened even in this reality as there was mention of Jonathan Archer as the reason Scotty was put on the ice planet, that franchise spent two years talking about a Temporal Cold War, where essentially there are people in place to help put the original timeline back in place should things like this happen. So…um…I guess those people don’t really exist? But Archer does. But they don’t. So if we all pretend that show never happened, why mention Archer at all?
  • Hey! Nero! Guess what? ROMULUS STILL EXISTS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW! So, stop by on your way home and tell people about how a star is going to go ‘nova. Perhaps they will evacuate in time, or maybe find a way to prevent it from happening, but whatever dude. If you stop by in that ship of yours chances are you will alter the future, and reverse all the bad, and the timeline will correct itself naturally. Just a thought.
  • How does ejecting the core propel you forward when there is no air in space? Oh, forget it, I can accept that one just as easily as I accept the fact that everyone can walk around a starship as if gravity still exists.

Seriously, the whole alternate reality thing just makes me think that they couldn’t think of a better way to reboot the series. Which is sad, really, because I expect more from professional screenwriter than this type of trick. Hell, I could have sat through two hours of a LOST type backstory for each character and felt better at the end than this film. It just seems like they had more options than reaching into the time travel well right from the start.

It was apparent to me that the actors had fun while making the film, and they enjoyed pulling it all together for us, but in the end it just left me feeling disappointed, not excited.

But I would go see it again. It was better than the Battlestar Galactica finale. Don’t get me started on that.