The other day I happened to see a commercial that described a local bank as “America’s Most Exciting Bank”. It took about ten seconds for this slogan to fully register inside my brain but when it did I found myself with lots and lots of questions. So many in fact that the next day I decided to drop by the bank and ask the manager a few questions. Our conversation went something like this:

“Excuse me, but I have to ask, what makes you ‘America’s Most Exciting Bank’?”

“Because we have the right stuff. We have integrity, values,…”, trailing off as she struggled to remember what appeared to be a company line. Chances are she does not get asked this question every day, so I went in for the kill.

“But, where are these rankings posted? I mean, who is ‘America’s Second Most Exciting Bank’? Who is nipping at your heels? Who do you need to make certain you are always staying one step ahead of?”

“Sir, I don’t know that”, and I can sense she is tiring of my inquisitive nature. Naturally, I press on.

“Is there a website I can go to and check on the rankings? How often do the rankings get updated? If I were to open a bank, how long do you expect it would take for me to grab the top spot from you?”

“Sir, if you do not have any bank business to conduct, I am going to have to ask that you step aside so we can help our real customers.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound very exciting.”

Upon arriving home I started to discuss this with Congress. After about five minutes of hearing “you did what?” and “why can’t you be normal?” she explained that quite often a business will simply tag themselves in some way and until someone proves otherwise they can keep making their false claims. The burden of proof falls on someone to prove they are NOT the most exciting bank. So, until a bank comes along and decides to have their branch managers fight it out in a lumberjack match, this bank will continue to call itself ‘America’s Most Exciting Bank’ even if they are the most boring.

So, how can I apply this to what I currently do for a living? Can I go around telling people that I am “America’s Most Exciting DBA”? Apparently, I can, and I just did. And while I am at it, I should grab some additional slogans.

“Like a Programmer, Only Better”

“Because I’m Worth It”

“Listen To Me”

Or, I could go with official sponsorship, something like:

“Thomas LaRock, the Official DBA of Uptime”

Yeah, this seriously needs to happen. We need to get this tweeted up, and fast. I am sure the Collective will have some great ideas.

 

Thomas LaRock
AKA SQLBatman, America’s Most Exciting DBA